Reasons for taking this break

One main reason - to rest and recuperate (does that make it two?)

It's been a while since I felt myself - the little healthy kid who's free to do anything and everything, who would set herself goals and achieve them, who would make the most of every minute of her life and strive to fill it with the sweetest memories.

And somehow as if God just flicked a switch, I was the kid no more. Gone were the days when I could run 14 miles after work and study for (and pass!) exams at the same time, globe-hop here and there and collect stamps on my passport. My lungs, which used to power me through those daily riverside runs to work, suffer as I breathe in those recycled air on the underground. Every time I get knocked out by some seemingly innocuous virus I would tell myself this would be the last, I would fight and get myself better. But somehow this process keeps repeating itself. I have not enjoyed a reasonable period of good health for over a year, as if every time I get myself up from being knocked out, someone would hit me hard with a sledgehammer, and down I am on the ground again. It hurts, it hurts so much, especially when the previous wounds haven't healed properly.

And I told myself this has got to stop.

Reasons for writing this blog

Many really -

• To keep track of my recovery.
• To inspire - I have been inspired by many life stories, and when you are truly inspired by something you feel you should inspire someone. I'm glad my struggles have encouraged people, and I want to use this blog to reach out to more.
• To share - so that you know how I'm doing.
• To have somewhere to dump my thoughts and feelings.

It's not my first time keeping a written record of my life (I've kept a diary since 7 September 1998), nor my first time writing a blog (had a 12-month training blog for the marathon - but you have to be a runner to know where I kept it!). Somehow I'm now in a very different stage of life, probably a stage that I would never return to. Somehow I want to have some way to remember it.

Actually it's a friend who encouraged me to write a book(!) about my experience in the past year - which will unfold in my blog in the future 6 weeks. Perhaps the society now needs some encouragement from someone who has endured struggles and uncertainty. Well, if I get enough interest I might get it published - wishful thinking!

Nice feeling

It's a nice feeling - coming home from work for the last time in the coming 6 weeks, leaving work at work until Easter, putting away my winter clothes for a few months...

In the English world Lent is a time for giving up things, be it chocolates, cakes, smoking or other [bad] habits. For me this year it will be a time of retreat, reflection and rest. Reasons for me having this much-envied break from work will be detailed in later post.

Giving up work is probably just part of it (but it sounds nice). I'm probably giving up being the person I want to become, or be seen as; giving up trying to be strong and stoical; giving up some pride and stubbornness inside me.

There are a million and one things I want to do during the next 6 weeks, and of course I can't, and won't, do all one million and one things. I am going to rest. This blog will hold me accountable. I hope I will come out of the other end of the 6 weeks feeling physically stronger and spiritually refreshed.